What? An NFL list about NFL lists? That’s right! I present evidence item 2,637 that NFL fans are foaming at the mouth to begin the 2010 season. In reality this column is actually about my personal mixed feelings about NFL lists. I used to follow said lists like a lemming: contemplate each list, create my own iteration, then try to find other fan[atic]s to argue over the topic du-jour. A funny thing happened on my way to this morning’s latest list: “10 most productive wide-receivers in the game today.” Before you begin pondering working on your take on that list and what the author meant by the word productive, I would ask you to stay with me for a moment as I consider the larger question, “why do we need all these NFL lists?”
Centuries before David Letterman began presenting to American television audiences his nightly Top 10 list, fans of all types have compiled lists of: bests, worsts, essentials, tallest, shortest, fattest, thinnest, etc.. Most people love lists because it provides us with fodder for debate with our friends. A means of presenting our own thoughts and challenging others to do better. I must admit, despite personal ambivalence, NFL lists beats the heck out of talking about the weather, how much LeBron will help the Heat, or especially YOUR kids (mine are awesome and we can talk about them all day long).
I find myself both annoyed with the sheer volume of NFL lists and delighted to offer my take with the latest list. A few years back it became apparent that I might have an NFL list problem. I was annoyed that ESPN.com’s weekly NFL “Power Rankings” had yet to be updated. I was checking back far too often. I NEEDED to know if the Rams were still at the bottom despite them beating the Lions and where various other teams were located. Later came a terse response from my co-host to my observation that the Titans were ranked far too low. To paraphrase, Steven’s response, “why do you waste your time with that nonsense.” Fortunately for me he did not know how much time I had spent waiting for that “nonsense” to be updated.
NFL listmania was birthed from one simple fact: the NFL season is just too short. Well, it is not so much that the season is too short, it is more that the off-season is too damned long. No other major sport has such a large interval between its Championship game and the beginning of the next season. To be precise it is 207 long days between events. Nearly 30 weeks of suffering. Seven months spent waiting for the next season to kick-off. That’s well more than half the year!
There are many great NFL minds applying themselves to evaluating expanding the regular season from its current 16 games to 18 games. The problem with the current proposals is that an expanded season would come at the expense of pre-season games. Although this would be an improvement, it would not sufficiently shorten the interval. It takes away two weeks where we already have an appetizer in place. Replacing two weeks of existing, albeit meaningless games with two more games that count does not resolve the problem. The never-ending off-season is the real problem.
The proliferation of NFL lists is simply a natural outgrowth of this insanely long lay-off. The most popular sport in America spends most of its year in utter darkness. This is why the annual Draft is viewed by more people than other sport’s playoff games. What are those of us who orient our lives around all things NFL to do? We cannot stand the wait. This also explains how a Terrell Owens and/or Brett Favre sighting can dominate NFL news cycles without either being on a team. The wait is interminable and something must change.
What’s needed is truly dramatic change. Being an out of the box thinker, I propose the rotation and orbit of the Earth be changed so that the NFL’s off-season is only 7-10 weeks. Yes having the calendar year shortened by 20 weeks introduces problems, but I am willing to sacrifice my birthday if that’s what it takes. Realizing this is a significant undertaking, I cannot imagine any other way of making it through the off-season without those lists. By the way, for those who cannot get enough lists, I recommend: “Ultimate Book of Top 10 Lists” from Ulysses Press. Also remember, only 52 days remain to the start of the 2010 NFL season… but who’s counting?
Great article Jeff. It is an insanely long off-season and I don’t know how you cope when it’s your main sport. It’s enough that we have a few weeks without soccer now that the World Cup has finished, I’m not sure how I’d cope if the lay-off was any longer than that.
Jeff, in your list of your best articles where does this one rank!
@ Cliffie. Well played. I actually did laugh out loud a little (LOLAL). This was my first attempt to write something with more personality and levity. This article stands alone.
The off season is way to long and I don’t see why such a long brake is needed. However the off season could be longer next season with the prospect of No football which is an extremely daunting prospect
Yeah, what will we do if there’s a work stoppage next year?
Work stoppage? Don’t jinx the league – stop talking about no football in 2011.
(LOLAL)??? Jeff I’m a 17 year old who can’t stand bad spelling and grammar, and who thinks text talk and the move towards Newspeak (read 1984 people) is the scourge of modern society. Seriously, I annoy friends by pointing out spelling and punctuation errors and being enormously pedantic as I’m made to feel weird for being correct. We speak the language of Shakespeare, not of some 12 year old kid on Facebook.
That reminds me of the time last season when you said Witten and Romo were BFFL’s and you and Steve argued whether they were BFF’s or BFFL’s. Its those arguments over small, meaningless things that make this show great.
Good article Jeff and I think, a solid solution. Baseball players might complain though.
@Jack Howes. Shakespeare made up a lot of his own words as well. ‘Lolal’ is a perfectly acceptable description for a laugh that is above a ‘heh’ but below a full blown ‘haha.’ In my opinion anyway.
@ Jack. Me thinks thou requires lightening of thy spirit ;-)
@ Nathan. I would sacrifice baseball… okay maybe not, but they could certainly afford to have their season shortened by a month or so.
Great article, Jeff. I really like the change in tone and style.
Of course, as a barbarian from Britannia, I blame the Romans. They tinkered about, putting 10-and-a-bit extra days in their calendar, which clearly we could do without. In fact, as they were so vainglorious then to name two months after their Caesars, why not just abolish July and August all together (sorry about your birthday)?
@Jack Howes – I applaud your committment to correct grammar, especially in one so young. However, I would have made sure to get the difference between “Its” and “It’s” right in a post about how pedantic you are about punctuation. LOLAL (Oops, sorry.) ;-)
Arghhhhhhh!!! Yeah I’ve been told to lighten up, looking at that post again I look like a Daily Mail reader or a Fox News anchor, when I’m on the opposite end of the political spectrum.
@ Steven: LOL! Sorry Steven! Don’t mean to give the NFL some bad juju :) I’m sure the NFL and the NFLPA will come to an agreement. Too much money to be made for both sides…
I like the article Jeff, you point out some interesting views about addiction and waiting and wanting. I agree on the first part, about the listings… Lists are dumb, because its a subject to individuals to rate performance and its all about predicting the unpredictable. Its also about adding to the bon-fire of wanting. We all want to be the genious, who sees what noone else sees (and the getting it right). The boy inside me hear you, and I can relate to your views.
However, the adultside in me tells something else. If you don’t suffer, you don’t appreciate winning the prize :) The offseason is the time where you set yourself up, making you enjoy the actual season much more. Offcource we like whats sweet and juicy and we can’t wait to get more, but thats how life is. There won’t be any fun if its Christmas every month. Maybe the right answer is to shorten the season. Thats when the players will heal up, making them able to “produce” much more and be outstanding on the field.
The nonsense about taking two preaseason games and make them regular will add to the tearing down of the players and the games will be less greater than already great.
Is that what we want? Wounded players playing hurt, making them men in the battle? Or do we want fresh agile players who can speelbind us waching the games making us sitting there stunned by the wizards performing their tricks?
Preaseason games are important, Ive heard the argument the the officiating core needs to get the rust off and have the ruling of the game in fresh memory. I also predict widening the season will influence us, the fans and spectators go whining about the wear down of players. The debate about the Maddencurse will rise to unknown heights. The one or two players, who emerge thru the season, “producing” the best of all players of all teams, these two players have to have played so hard and fueled their fire so intensly, they are bound to dissapear the following season. The human body simply can’t keep up and these two divine players will surely be teared apart thru their performance thru a whole season.
In a selfish way, give me what I want and I want it now. In an adult way, lets wait for the rigt time and the make sure the performance on the field will be the best of best.
I want to enjoy a short season with many games of high performance than a long season of mediocre games with only a handfull of games worth of memembering
Just listened to the last two shows (I’m sorry to admit I stopped listening for a while this offseason – exams and the World Cup are to blame) and they were extremely enjoyable, three cheers and a round of applause (TCAAROA) for Steven and Jeff.
These shows have got my blood going for the NFL now, I’m bursting with anticipation for the season to get going and I’ve got ESPN so I can watch Monday Night Football this season, which makes it better. And my Raiders might even have a half decent season – though a “Decent season” is relative, especially
for Oakland.
Bring on the preseason!!!
It’s nothing to do with the length of the off-season, it’s EVERYTHING to do with you American’s wierd penchant for statistics and your need for certainty! If I want to discuss whether Steven Gerrard is a better midfielder than Landon Donovan I don’t go to a list or website showing every possible statistic I could ever need … I don’t need to know that whilst Gerard scored 14 goals, completed 57.2% of passes (but only 43% over 20 yards), ran on average 1,670m per game, made 32 tackles/missed 4 whilst Donovan only scored 6 goals, completed 54% of passes … BLAH BLAH BLAH… you get what I mean! If I wanted those statistics I could get them (opta index etc.) but I don’t NEED to know. Gerrard might be 1st, 5th or 11th overall … but isn’t it more fun to discuss, argue, disagree??
On the other hand Americans NEED to know. You need certainty. American Sport is littered with statistics … swamped even. If I want to know which team had best Time of Possession whilst holding the ball in the 3rd Quarter, away from home whilst trailing in the game then I can get it. Anything other possible combination of statistics I can think of I can probably get as well. If I can get it, you can bet some commentator will trot it out the next time it happens.
Statistics lead to Lists, Rankings etc. There are probably statistics about the lists! It’s no wonder there’s so many!
Quite why American’s are addicted to statistics is still a mystery to me. Can anyone help?!
LWTAWWAWBI! (Laughing whilst typing and wondering whether anyone will be interested).